Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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