and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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