I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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