yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
