I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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