Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
