we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I want is dick and wine.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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