I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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