Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
