Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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