My liver just broke up with me...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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