You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So squirting runs in the family.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
