Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
