He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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