So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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