I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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