Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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