I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
