when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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