we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
