I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
