it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
