New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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