I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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