and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i think i just lost a toe
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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