We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
