you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
