my mouth tastes like poor choices
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
