I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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