So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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