Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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