we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
