dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
