what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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