I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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