grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
