Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
