Already got asked if we're dating
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Operation Purity has been aborted
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
