How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
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The chlamydia really affected his face.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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