Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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