dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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