The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
