Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
