if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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