Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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