Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
