I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
