Need sex. Gaining weight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
false alarm, still single
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
