Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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