Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
