Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
