once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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