I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
