It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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