this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
