i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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