Please, let me fuck your mom
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Couch. On fire.
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