May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
