Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
