Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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