you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
