His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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