You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
