Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
