ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
