I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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