I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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