How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
