Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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